Pearls of Wisdom

A dozen random things I have learnt recently, well at least in the last decade:

1/ When a social media site makes a change you do not like, it is best to immediately use that service a lot to say exactly how much you dislike the change. That'll show them. Maybe click on some of new interesting looking advertising links to really teach the bastards.

2/ When the quality of life of the poor is dropping all is fine. Us fine austere Victorian folks are meant to do this sort of thing. However, should the quality of life of the rich drop, or even be put at risk, a sweeping state bailout is immediately justified independent of the risk such a bailout poses to the state economy. It is best not to look too closely at were said bailout money actually goes.

3/ If you want to donate to charity you need to do some sporting event, go somewhere beautiful, or do something else quirky. Donating to a charity without proclaiming it loudly on at least one social media site is just like kicking them in the face. Anyway, no charity needs money anymore. They just need you to like their crushing story or reshare it if you are feeling very generous.

4/ Michael Bay deserves all the awards for his film making. These awards should be delivered in the style of this films. So, after 10 minutes of talking, he will be battered by one or more large pointy things. Each successive "award" will be louder and less compliant with the normal rules of physics. Each time we will clap and laugh like demented sea lions and throw more money at him. What a creative genius that man is.

5/ Free speech is only for nice people. If your going to use it to upset the status quo, powerful groups, or damn something the general populace holds dear you are just some kind of terrorist communist nazi. Hence, the state should lock you up as quickly as is humanly possible. The normal courts are constrained by pinko liberal respect for human rights and the principal of being innocent until proven guilty so it is probably best to just avoid them altogether.

6/ If the US is against anything their opposition immediately deserves the full support of all decent "left leaning" folk. Theology based extremist states prone to raping, beheading and general sickening violence are definitely entirely America's fault as they were a multicultural equality based utopia pre American poisoning.

7/ A modern army firing into packed schools and hospitals with massive advanced anti personal weapons is less horrible than firing £40 rockets, based on tech that is available on Wikipedia, at a sector with the most advanced widespread anti rocket defence currently available to mankind. Disagreeing with this automatically makes you a shaven headed tattoo laden neo nazi with a fondness for bulldogs and violence.

8/ The dafter radical wings of feminism, and the occasional vast generalization by popular mainstream feminist figures, are best countered not by reasoned debate and statistics but by rape and death threats. The more the better really as it definitely helps a cause to be associated with both of these.

9/ Russell Brand knows about the whole caboodle and is actually and veritably a really sagacious man. His prima facie insensate and dopey topical remarks or portentous and dangerous calls for revolution are in fact just enlightened guidance for the little folkies like he once was. Also, speaking in sentences formed from a mixure of unusual words, colloquialisms, and childlike diminutives is charming and clever.

10/ The laws of physics are inflexible and rigid in the lab, but soft and pliable when politicians realize that accepting recommendations based on them would lead to said politicians having to adjust their political outlook. If "the science" does not match your opinions it is best to not mention it on the issues you have an opinion on. Instead, champion science on some field you do not give a damn about.

11/ When you are doing science outreach, it is not at all disingenuous to skip over the serious upper end issues in science careers. Who has any responsiblities, or family commitments, in their late 20s or early 30s anyway? No decent scientist, that's who. You can balance any sexist aspect of a intense selection pressure, at this time in candidates' lifes, with oppositely orientated low level sexist encouragement. Given the evaporation rate, if you get the graduate enrolment ratio to 80:20 in favour of women that might work out. Doing it this way, rather than fixing the pathway where it is broken, won't cause any resentment at all.

12/ When writing up lists you will think of 11 items. Still, you can probably buffer a last item with some "funny" comment or geeky maths item to make a clean dozen. Of course, this is the writing equivalent of a clip show episode. Still, it is fine and no one will notice it anyway as they will just be happy its not another bloody slideshow list on a packed-to-the-roof-with-crap-advertising site.

Congratulations you are now wiser and smarter.